In honor of Mother's Day coming up, I will do a rant on mothers. OK just kidding. Kinda. Neh, it's only coincidence this post coincides with Mother's Day, but anyway, whatev. So yesterday we took dinner over to our friends who just had their second baby this past week. We used to hang out with them a good bit. When we moved up to the sticks, they were thrilled, as we would help reduce the "red" factor in the area. We all loved throwing a good party and one year we even threw a joint New Year's Eve party at our house. The mom and I (before she was a mom, of course) would talk about getting pregnant together and how fun that would be. Well you know how that went. Hehe... So anyway, she gets pregnant while we were building our house up here and we ended up throwing a shower for them for their first baby. After the baby came we still all hung out a good bit - we'd go over there, they'd come over to our place, or sometimes we'd even go out to eat or something. She'd call me randomly to go shopping with her and #1. We got invited to the 1st birthday party for #1... but then little by little we saw less and less of them.
The hub sees them more because he plays poker with the husband once in a while. But I literally saw her once, maybe twice during this second pregnancy. Never saw her when she was in the last trimester - so I never saw her big buddha belly this time. She's really cute preggers too because she's super tall and thin. You know, all belly. So whereas last time we found out about the birth via phone call, this time it was mass email. Fine, whatever. We took dinner over there last night to give the dad a night off from cooking and to visit the new little one. She is super cute and so teeny tiny. But the whole visit just felt kinda weird. I sat in the den with the mom while she breastfed #2. The boys were outside playing with #1. I don't know... the conversation between me and the mom felt a bit forced. I was trying to come up with things to say about the baby - since that was all the conversation centered around. Which is fine - I mean that's why we were there! But never once did she ask about what we were up to or how we were doing. And I totally get that she's completely exhausted - a newborn and a toddler make for a challenging combo. So I can overlook all that, definitely. But it's just become clear that I'm not in the Mom Club and therefore we don't really have anything to talk about.
I've tried to explain this to the hub multiple times. He takes it all very personally that they don't hang out with us like they used to. I tried to explain that sometimes when couples have kids they just get in this kid bubble. We're at totally different stages in our lives and so it's understandable that they gravitate towards others in the Mom Club, I suppose. But poor hub, he does take it to heart. And I see this at all stages - not just the kid thing. There is also the "Married Club." And, I imagine there's reverse discrimination as well.
I've touched on it before, but this is really my biggest fear in having kids. Or better said, my major "what not to do" item on the list. All my friends - whether married, single, mom or not - they're all a huge part of my life. I know kids change your life - and I think anyone who says they won't is crazy. But along with being a great mom, I want to always continue to be a great friend. I want to be able to spend time with my friends. I want to be able to hold a conversation about something OTHER than my kids. I want to be just as invested in my friends' lives as they are in mine. I want my kids to know and love my friends as I do. I truly believe you make time for the things you care about in life. And I know this to be true because we have other friends with 2+ kids that always include us and make every effort to spend time with us. It's more difficult with kids - absolutely - but it's still important. I'm sure it's no easy task, but I don't see why you can't have the best of both worlds if you put in the effort. Maybe I'm ignorant, as I don't have any kids myself, but I hope I'm right. :-) I don't know... a lot of y'all are mommas, what do y'all think? How do you make it work?
33 minutes ago