Friday, August 22, 2008

SEC Football: Is there anything better?!

Well the answer is no, so don't try to convince me otherwise. We beat each other up year after year because we have so many killer teams. Georgia's schedule this year is really tough, as usual... I really don't like being ranked #1 - it's a curse if you ask me. But we'll see how things pan out in the next few months! Anyway, I just got this email with some football funnies - and amazingly, I hadn't seen these before. So I just had to share!

And just a warning - we in the South take our college football very seriously. Yeah, we all have NFL teams, but I couldn't tell you the first thing about the Atlanta Falcons. Haven't been to a Falcons game since... hell I don't even know. I couldn't care less about the NFL. It's all so commercial to me. College footall is where it's at down here! I can't even describe the sense of pride you feel when your team comes running out on the field and the stadium just ROARS. Gotta love it! Hopefully the spacing is not too screwy - I copied and pasted this from an email. Enjoy, and GO DAWGS!

SEC Football

Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip South, here are some helpful hints.

Women's Accessories:
NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.

Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America .

NORTH: Rudy Giuliani.
SOUTH: Herschel Walker & Peyton Manning.

Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus, make a large financial contribution, and put name on a waiting list for tickets.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.

NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RV's sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and waves to the idiots up north who wonder why 'Game Day Live' is never broadcast from their campus.

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance from the Dave Matthews Band, who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask 'Where's the stadium?' When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it is the state's third largest city.

NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Commentary (Male):
NORTH: 'Nice play.'
SOUTH: 'Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.'

Commentary (Female):
NORTH: 'My, this certainly is a violent sport.'
SOUTH: 'Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.'

NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game.


At VANDERBILT: It takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard.

At GEORGIA: It takes two, one to change the bulb and one to stabilize the rolling beer cooler the bulb changer is using for a ladder.

At FLORIDA : It takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one. [All while wearing jean shorts, I'm sure.]

At ALABAMA : It takes five, one to change it, three to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator.

At OLE MISS: It takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

At LSU: It takes seven, and each one gets credit for five Semester hours.

At KENTUCKY : It takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.

At TENNESSEE: It takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lamp shade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how much they hate Alabama.

At MISSISSIPPI STATE : It takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, 'GO TO HELL, OLE MISS'.

At AUBURN: It takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they did it better than at Bama and Georgia, and fifty to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished.

At SOUTH CAROLINA : It takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent football team.

At ARKANSAS : None. There is no electricity in Arkansas.


Preppy Haze said...

Go Dawgs! I can't wait for the season to start. Great post, got me in the spirit!

Gracie Beth said...

I loved it! I am so excited for SEC football this year. I can see our lovely stadium out my window.

LovesPINKandPEARLS said...

i loooove that football season is coming! and ew, dont mention the gators and the jorts.

Muffy said...

This is hilarious! Love it!

Kristy said...

Love this post!! GO TIGERS!!

Anonymous said...

Too funny! This is my favorite:
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

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SnappyCasualGifts said...


BroncoMom said...

Oh this is SO funny - thanks for sharing and for the laughs!
Glad to read that your a Dawg fan!
Go Dawgs!

Lauren said...

I can't wait for football season! We are kicking it off next weekend and I have been so excited I can't stand it. I have my drinks ready, my outfit planned, and our tickets ready. Woo hoo!!

AEG said...

I adored the post. I am going to miss that Southern tailgaiting this year more than anything!

Surf Girl said...

That is so funny - I got the same e-mail last week and I posted it on my blog too! Someone sends it to me every year and every year I laugh - It is so, so true.
Sorry, but I have to say it...Go Gators! :)
(my brother went to GA though, so I only despise the dawgs for one weekend.)
Love your blog!

Lady Law Dawg said...

Love it, amen, and GO DAWGS!!!

The Bona Fide Preppy Bride said...

6 days til our first game...woohoo!C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

Etiquettely Correct said...

Great post! I love this! thanks for the laugh

Hollie said...

Sooooo true!!! One of my best friends went to UGA. UGA games are sooo much fun!!!