Monday, March 1, 2010

You're cordially invited to pay my Visa bill.

OK so... same ole, same ole here.  Work, work, work.  But I had to hop on here really quick to share (and rant about) this new website I heard about this morning on the local news.  And just for fair warning, you should know I'm very traditional when it comes to etiquette and whatnot - especially when it comes to weddings.  I just eat the stuff up.  I did a whole speech in grad school about it.  All those little rules are simply, at the end of the day, about being considerate of others.  That's all etiquette really is.  (And yeah, I got to choose my topic - that class obviously had nothing to do with my degree!)
 
So anyway, I'm putting on my makeup this morning and I hear the news reporter interviewing a local guy who created a new type of wedding registry website called billpayregistry.com.  I'm sure you can gather the gist of it by the name, but here's the blurb on the site that explains how it works...
 

"A bill registry is similar to a traditional online wedding registry, in which you sign up for the gifts you would like to receive for your wedding. However, with billpayregistry.com, instead of gifts, you register your unpaid bills and have your friends and family make contributions to your debt as a gift to you. One of the great things about billpayregistry.com is that it's not limited to just weddings! Any event (birthdays, Christmas, Hanukkah, etc.) is a great opportunity to get rid of your debt once and for all and start living again. As you receive gifts, request the bills that you would like us to pay for you and we'll submit a payment on your behalf."

 

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!  (That's me this morning nearly smearing my eyeliner while listening to this.)  Now I am in no way slamming the guy (yes, it was a guy) who developed this site.  On one hand, it's actually a pretty good idea (from a business perspective) that I think a lot of people (sadly enough) will buy into...   He says he's not doing it to make a profit, and I honestly think his intentions are good here - so kudos on that end.  However, this idea of asking wedding guests (or whomever) to pay off your debts hits me like nails on a chalkboard for two very specific, but very different reasons (and yes, I'm totally picturing myself standing at a podium with my finger pointed as I type this)...

 

1.  A bride and groom should never ask for money.  There, I said it.  And I know a LOT of people will disagree with me on this, and I'm fine with that.  And I also know that in some regions it's very traditional to give cash gifts for weddings.  Not so much in the South, but I know it's very big elsewhere in the U.S.  Nothing wrong with that at all - you can give whatever you want and shoot, cash is always appreciated!  But you should never ever *ask* for it - by whatever means.  Things like honeymoon registries make me want to vomit.  So naturally, the idea of someone asking for money to pay their bills...  well just go ahead and hand me a spoon.  And not to mention, would you not (as a guest) be tallying up the cost of the wedding you're attending in your head, wondering why the hell you're paying these people's bills when the bride's floating around the dance floor in a $2,500 gown?  Just sayin'... 

 

2.  You need to clean up your own mess.  As someone who has been working her tail end off with her husband the last 18 months to get rid of debt, I find the idea of setting up a "debt registry" very insulting.  But my feelings aside, if you've made a financial mess of things, you need to clean up your own damn mess.  This doesn't mean people can't help you - my parents have been a HUGE help to us and we're incredibly grateful.  But you've got to take responsibility for your shit.  Grab the poo bags and get to scoopin'.  Depending on family and friends and (*cough*) wedding guests to bail your ass out is ridiculous.  It may sound inviting and maybe even "smart" to some.  And hey, maybe your guests will buy into too and they can get you out of debt.  But I'm willing to bet you'll be right back in the hole - and probably a deeper one - by your 2nd anniversary.  The thing is, if you've made a mess, you need a new plan.  You will not learn your lesson and make the behavioral changes you need to make by letting others clean up your mess.  Getting out a debt - REALLY getting out of debt for good - is a spiritual journey.  Don't miss out on that.

 

 

Alright... off my soapbox and back into my desk chair for now.  So what do you guys think?  Would you opt for this type of registry as a bride or groom?  Would you participate as a guest?  No worries - I'm not gonna slam you if you disagree with me.  I'm just curious as to what others think. 

 

Hope y'all have a great week!

13 comments:

The Eubanks said...

That is the tackiest idea I have ever heard of. In. My. Life. I agree, honeymoon registery, asking for money, asking for gift cards- tacky! I helped host a bridal shower for a friend and she requested it be a gift card shower. I was appaled to have my name associated with it...but I survived!

Pearls To Hide My Neck said...

The Eubanks took my word! TACKY!! Whatever happened to a place setting of china, new towels and a mixer?

Marden Family said...

A-Gree. The point of people buying you gifts for your wedding is not that they Have to, but that they want to give you things to help you make a home for you and your significant other. And you're completely right, unless people learn to deal with their debt and money the right way, it's just going to come back down the road.
p.s. I'm still waiting for you to share yall's goals for 2010! I come to your site every time I need to remind myself not to spend and remember the big picture!:)

Buford Betty said...

I know! It's so on my blog-to-do list. Argh!

Henley on the Horn said...

Now THAT is funny. You made me laugh out loud & I couldn't agree with you more!

Jillian, Inc said...

*ugh* - what is the world coming to. I mean really. And also... people who would have the nerve to ask for money toward bill pay would probably think nothing of dropping $20K on the wedding.

GrandeMocha said...

I went to visit Santa in a very nice mall. When he asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I said, "I've been very good to myself this year. Could you just pay off my VISA?" He laughed at me and said, "Wouldn't that be nice." Santa did not deliver that year.

Jill said...

Umm...YEAH. UnREAL. This gets me absolutely fired up as well. Unbelievable.

Lucky in Love said...

I could not agree with you more!

And I wish I could forward this along to my brother who has been in debt for years and there is no end in site. I seriously think you need to talk to him, okay!?! Ha!

Bella Michelle said...

O.M.G.! You have got to be kidding. I can't imagine...geez.

Pam said...

Well said Amanda!

kristina said...

New follower here. I couldn't agree with you more. I'm on the west coast, one sees a lot of money dances at weddings here. I always find it painful to watch. Needless to say, we skipped that tradition.

JDB said...

Hi, I found your blog through Shopaholic in AL. This post is crazy. Why not just ask your guests to drop a few bucks in a jar at the reception to help off set the cost of the wedding. People are absolutely out of their minds these days!

I blog too, stop by for a visit.
www.jdbrememberwhoyouare.blogspot