Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Ice Ice Baby

As my dad put it in his email response just now, "Wow... there seems to be no end to the twists and turns in this journey."  Indeed!  Well, I just talked to Dr. T again - and let me say, how cool is it that he calls me personally?  He has a million nurses and a crazy schedule.  I know that he genuinely wants this to work for us as much as we do.  Anyway, as predicted, my beta did drop.  It's now down to 9, so it looks like we're definitely dealing with a chemical pregnancy here.  Not at all surprised as Flo made her grand entrance early this morning.  I had been spotting for nearly a week, so I seriously was not expecting any miracles here.  But I am glad to know it's definitely a *no* so we can officially move forward.
 
So no more progesterone popping.  And I ripped off that estrogen patch as soon as I got off the phone.  Dr. T does want me to do one final blood test next week to make sure my levels drop completely - just to ensure we're not having an ectopic pregnancy or something.  And then he wants to sit down in two or three weeks to have what he called a "come to Jesus" meeting (i.e. a post-IVF consult) to figure out next steps.  A frozen cycle is obviously next.  We got all our sweet frozens awaiting us!  But he wants to take a good look at what could be possibly preventing success here.  I asked about my lining and he said it measured 6.8mm at the last ultrasound before the retrieval (so on CD 11).  Not bad, but definitely on the lower end.  So that could've been an issue - who knows?  Good thing is, he said we can be really aggressive in a frozen cycle on the front end to plump up the lining.  Whereas in a fresh cycle, it's harder to do so because they don't want to interfere with the egg-fest.  Obviously my egg-makers are freaking awesome... why can't my uterus fall in line?!  Geez.  It's like someone who's ridiculously good-looking who can't leave their house... so no one ever appreciates how friggin' hot they are.
 
My doctor also brought up my nasty residual septum.  Yes, one of my many issues... remember I had two surgeries back in 2007 attempting to correct it?  He is not sure if this might be preventing implantation (or the ability to stay put), but he wants to discuss whether a third surgery might be warranted before moving on.  He just wants to consider anything and everything that might be to blame here.  We do know it's my damn uterus though. 
 
Honestly, failure is all I know here.  Ultimately, I've only ever gotten a "no" when it comes to this junk.  I'm not trying to mope here - my point is I don't let these failures break me.  My overall outlook and attitude here is pretty stellar most of the time.  If I could limit my time to home, RBA, and my family, I think I could do this forever, cycle after cycle, and just keep on keepin' on.  It's when I leave my little world that I'm reminded of what I don't have.  And to me, that's what is so hard.  No matter how long this journey is for us, the rest of the world keeps spinning.  We are waiting.  But no one is waiting for us.  
 
Don't you wish you had a Tivo remote for life?!  Someone invent that please! Actually, I really just need a *pause* button.  Is that too much to ask?!  Santa? Nevertheless, we do have friends and family holding on to us as we wait.  My dad said (in response to all this muck), "Know that we are with you and Scott all the way, so buckle up and have a glass [of red wine] on me."  I couldn't ask for anything more.  And yes, red wine is TOTALLY on my grocery list tonight!

12 comments:

Cheryl said...

I'm sorry but at least you can move forward now. Hopefully they can get your lining nice and inviting and you will have you bfp soon!

Sasha said...

It sounds like you have the most FABULOUS dr- calling you himself? Amazing!

Lucky in Love said...

Thinking of you friend! Your attitude continues to amaze me every single day. XOXO

Lisa said...

I'm so glad you finally have an answer! and you can enjoy a glass of well-deserved red wine tonight. Your attitude is AMAZING and inspiring. Keep on keepin on and I'll keep reading :) Thanks for sharing your journey.

Anna said...

I'm so sorry to hear it - but you have a great attitude about it all. I'm beyond jealous of that. At least now you know and you can take the next steps. I always find the waiting to be the worst part.

Jill said...

Toasting you right now my friend and enjoy that glass. Have two. At least. And I freaking HATE this for you - but am so amazed by your attitude and your continued grace and humor. God has equipped you for this journey he has you on...as that lady once told you "keep trying". And we will all keep praying.

Susannah said...

Yay for a great doctor! You are such a graceful, patient person. I know you have your moments (don't we all), but you are still so tough. I agree on the remote thing!
We seriously need to get together one day-y'all literally live down the road from me. I mean, I'm off Suwanee Dam in Sugar Hill, Puh-lease. Would love to meet one day!! We can drink wine and eat chocolate!
(Hugs!)

Jillian, Inc said...

So sorry :o( Your Dr. sounds amazing, though. I continue to keep you in my prayers.

Preppy 101 said...

Praises for such a wonderful dad. And your doctor is amazing, too. My niece traveled this road. It's not easy for sure. Praying for your prayers and dreams to come true. xoxo

Preppy Pink Crocodile said...

Freezer section...here you come! Prayers and love.

Gracie Beth said...

I am so sorry to hear this, I was praying HARD that your levels would go up :(

Kiersten said...

I'm so sorry to hear that it didn't work out this time, but glad you have closure as well as a fantastic doctor, supportive family, and more options ahead with your future frozen cycles. I totally hear you on wanting the world to slow down while you wait for your miracle. I've been feeling that way quite a bit as I deal with my own fertility issues and numerous friends announcing their pregnancies. Just continue to hang in there and stay positive. You're doing great.