Thursday, February 17, 2011

Thoughts on the Book...

I've got lots of ideas swimming around in my head for my book.  Am I allowed to say "my book?"  I don't actually have a book deal, much less a book.  I have the idea of a book.  Whatever.  I'm still going to write it even if I'm the only one who ever reads it.  My book on struggling with infertility that is...  and I want your help!  I have chapters pretty much lined up, tackling all the odds and ends I want to make sure I cover.  But so far it's only from my own perspective.  So enlighten me, will ya?  What kind of topics would you want to see covered in a book on one's first hand experience with infertility?  This is not just for the infertiles, so read on...
 
- Fertile friends and sisters, what would you specifically seek to understand about the mess that's going on in your infertile friend's head?  How to best approach them?  How to ask questions?  How to deliver your good newsI'm an only child, so it's hard for me to get the whole sister thing, but I know this is a BIG issue for many.  I liken trying to comprehend the "mess" in the infertile head to trying to understand the male species.  I will never understand why my husband (or any man) thinks or behaves certain ways, but I can read about it and know that he does a lot of this stuff simply because he's a man.  He's just wired that way.  In much the same way, a fertile woman can't possibly "get" the funk inside the heart of the infertile woman.  But you can read about it and think, "Oh, so that's why she's such a bitch!"  Or something like that.
 
- Moms and Dads, maybe you want to know how best to show your love and support for your daughter?  How you respond to her is a big, big deal.  I have been incredibly blessed with parents who are behind us ALL the way on our journey, but I have friends who have not been so fortunate.  I will definitely have to touch on this important area.  What other questions do you have, parents?
 
- Husbands, how best can you show love to your wife during the struggle?  What do you want to know?  As if any husbands read this blog, but whatever.  I'll be sure to guide them because I know their wives will highlight and dog ear those pages and stick the book in the bathroom for their husband's to stumble over. (Genius move, ladies.  But be sure to remove the Sports Illustrated magazines first.)
 
- Fellow Infertiles, most importantly, what do YOU seek from a book on infertility?  There are some good ones out there, but not a lot.  What is missing?  What kind of support are you looking for?  What feelings do you struggle with?  Do you have certain thoughts/behaviors that you wonder about (i.e. whether they're "normal")?  Do you have trouble finding hope in the midst of all the mess?  I'd love to hear your thoughts - any thoughts.  As always, feel free to email me if you rather not leave a public comment.
 
Yep, so I'm just in the "gathering ideas" phase right now.  Plotting my path.  I doubt I'll get much of any actual writing done till after tax season but I'm definitely compiling thoughts and developing an outline of sorts.  So whatever your angle is, if you have something you'd like to see me touch on, please advise!  My goal is for this book to be a source to the reader.  Yes, it'll detail a lot of my personal struggle, but it's ultimately about helping others find peace in the middle of a war zone.  All with a dose of humor, of course.  Laughing is an absolute must!
 
Alright... back to work.  I plan to get on here later this week with another book review.  Stay tuned!

6 comments:

Preppy 101 said...

The first thing I would need is an intro. defining all the terms, the acronyms, the procedures, etc. My niece had fertility problems and sometimes I had no idea what she was talking about when she blogged about it. Just one suggestion. Great idea. xoxo

Pammy said...

Thats awesome Amanda!!! :) I would totally read your book my dear!!! Go for it! You are a fabulous writer!!!

Lisa said...

Agree with Preppy 101 above :) I don't know anything!

I would also want to know what/how you WANT other people to say/react. And what people do that pisses you off, and what you wish they would have said or done when gone awry. I honestly just don't know how to respond and be supportive in this kind of situation because i really don't know what is considered good/bad beyond the obvious. Good examples would help - lucky for you, you seem to have some great ones!

Honestly I don't know if I'm fertile or not - we haven't tried yet. My husband and I always just assumed we would have kids one day and I took that for granted until I stumbled upon your blog. I will admit, I could not be more opposite from you in this regard -I used to be (and sometimes still am) terrified of the idea that I might be pregnant. But seeing your perspective has made me realize, truly, what a miracle and blessing it would be regardless of how "inconvenient" I think the timing might be right now. So, thank you for that. I look forward to all the insights you will share in your book! :)

Jill said...

An understanding ear, which is why your book is going to be so great. Write it in the style of your blog - honestly, and I think that's what other people struggling need. Just to know they aren't alone, but also (and what I think you do so well) a challenge to not just sit in it and be bitter, but to acknowledge that this, as sucky as it is, can be used...

Julie Tiemann said...

I am so excited for you to do this, girlie. You are such a talented writer, and I have no doubt God will use your talents to comfort, challenge and bring healing to so many women. I'm your biggest fertile fan! And again, I'd be honored to help you edit when you get to that point. :)

I think the thing as a "fertile" that I would most want to know is of course, the obvious of what NOT to say, but also how to handle it when you DO say the thing that unintentionally hurts. I think everyone handles pain differently and certain things that might not bother one person struggling with infertility could cause serious pain to another, so we're all bound to put our foots in our mouths at some time. So what then? How do we apologize without seeming patronizing or drudging up more pain?

I am SO glad you're doing this. I think the most powerful thing a book like yours could do is help lift the stigma that comes with infertility. I have friends who have suffered severely in silence because of what appears to be shame, and that SUCKS. So, you go girl! :)

Stacy said...

I have no ideas, but lots of support for you! I think you should definitely write a book! I am so happy to hear that you are plotting it out! :)