We had another ultrasound this morning! Everything is right on schedule and measuring 8w2d. And we got to HEAR the heartbeat this time! So cool... BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM. And we could even see the little nut moving around some. The baby is about the size of (and looks like) a gummy bear... he/she measured 1.88cm long today. Apparently the head is on the right side in this picture (so they say). Wow, so grateful.
Dr. T thinks this one's a keeper. I do too, but shoot - you just never know. We're still a LONG way from holding a baby in our arms, but so far so good! My miscarriage rate dropped to less than 5% today - that was great to hear. And Dr. T is continuing to slowly back me off my meds. The best news? I now only have to do the nasty PIO shots every other day! Hallelujah - some much needed reprieve for my bum. I'm also cutting the Estrace (estrogen) back to one dose a day (rather than two). That's a welcome change, too.
We go back for one more ultrasound with Dr. T next Friday and then I'll officially be released to my OB! I'm excited to move forward, but I gotta say it's going to be bitter sweet... I love my RBA team - they've been fighting this battle with us for over 4 years. I don't know what it's going to be like being thrown into the pool with all the normal fertiles!
The hub asked me yesterday if I'm no longer bothered by pregnant people, now that we're pregnant. No, I still do a mental eye-roll when I see a big belly. Because chances are they fell into their husband's lap one afternoon and turned up pregnant. Does that ever go away? Yeah, probably not. And when do I get to relax and enjoy all this? I am excited, don't get me wrong. But for the most part, I would describe myself as void of emotion right now over all this. I'm not fearful, but I think I'm heavily guarded. Sadly, years of infertility make pregnancy rather terrifying. It's hard to just completely let go and be joyful. And I also think there's a lot of disbelief... like when will it seem real? When I can feel the baby? It's such an exciting thing, and overall I think I'm handling it well, but the unknown is so scary. It all makes me think of one of Drew Barrymore's quotes in Never Been Kissed...
"...for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it, and so scared that it will go away at the same time."