I've noticed a lot lately that people's gaze, as they pass, goes from my eyes straight to my belly. This mostly happens at work. I guess because they're checking to see how big my belly's getting? Or it's hard NOT to look straight at it? I don't know, but I find it funny. Tomorrow marks 22 weeks and I am amazed! With every passing week, I count another miracle. We're obviously preparing for a healthy baby to come in January... getting the nursery set up, planning showers, registering, visiting daycares, taking classes... But at the same time I continue to pray for peace throughout this still on-going journey. It ain't over till we hear that baby cryin'! And I'm no fool to just assume that's going to happen for us. I'm certainly not fearful of something going wrong, but I think it's natural for any infertile to feel a little uneasy when things go *right* for a change. Sometimes it's just hard to relax (my favorite word) and accept that this could REALLY be it!
All kinds of irrational thoughts enter my head on a daily basis... Is my belly shrinking? I think it looked bigger yesterday. Is this really a pregnant belly or did I just eat too much ice cream lately? (Not that I did... no comment.) Any minute, someone behind the desk at the OB's office is going to tell me I don't belong here. Do people think I'm faking a pregnancy, like Mrs. Schuester on Glee? Uh yeah, I told you they were irrational thoughts. They are fleeting... but they still pop in my pea-brain!
Now that we can feel Sam kick (and even see it sometimes - wicked cool), it's all a lot more real. Obviously, there really is something living inside there. And everything is going perfectly so far. We are truly blessed. And it's been such a cool ride these last few months because I've been able to share it not just with y'all, but with other fellow wannabe-mom's whose dreams are finally coming true. One of my dear friends is pregnant with her first - only 4 weeks ahead of me - after years and years of waiting on an adoption to go through. We've leaned on each other for years... wanting so badly to have little ones of our own... and here we are pregnant together! And then there's another sweet friend who is pregnant with TWINS after several unsuccessful IVF attempts. Such a miracle! And what a joy to watch her go through this. We've had lots of laughs and tears over our fertility woes and here we are... expecting together. And lastly, my heart is just overjoyed for Amy over at Chapters... please go catch up on her story if you haven't. She's no longer in Atlanta but I continue to pray for her and follow her journey. We shared our stories over fish tacos a while back... I'm so thrilled that she may have a little one right around the same time we will! My prayer list is huge these days.
It is so cool to see God working in all of our lives in this same season. Of course, he's always at work... but I love being able to see everything coming together for us and for so many people I care about! (Oh we of little faith... always needing something tangible!) Now I know there are so many sweet friends of mine still waiting for their "turn." All I can say is KEEP TRYING. I think about you and your pain all the time. I'll keep praying. You keep trying. God never makes us wait without reason. My life today would look a lot different if I really had control over it all along, but would it really be any better? I can confidently say no. God seems to get it right everytime. Funny how that works...